My First Pregnancy: A Bittersweet Journey

Finding Out: A Life-Changing Moment

It started like any ordinary day until it wasn’t. I noticed some unusual signs, and on a whim, I took a pregnancy test. Eric and I stared in disbelief as the faint line quickly appeared. To be sure, I took another test—and it turned positive instantly. We were stunned.

What do you do after finding out you’re pregnant? That’s exactly what we googled. Eric called a nurse hotline on my behalf, and they advised us to contact the OB department to get things scheduled. I was shocked when they estimated I was already 9 weeks pregnant. How could I not have noticed? I felt grateful for the absence of nausea but overwhelmed by the sudden shift in reality.

We scheduled our first appointments, but the earliest we could be seen was a week later. Waiting felt surreal. My days were filled with quiet adjustments: switching my supplements, being mindful of what I ate, and trying to act normal since no one knew yet. That weekend, Eric joined my dad for deer hunting, and I spent time with my mom, aunt, and cousin and other close family friends. It was hard keeping such an exciting secret, especially when the social setting required little white lies, like declining alcohol while trying not to raise suspicion. Thankfully this was easy for me because I hardly ever drank alcohol anyway.

The First Ultrasound: Hope and Uncertainty

On November 13, Eric and I had our first appointment. Before heading to the clinic, we enjoyed breakfast at Black Coffee and Waffle Bar, trying to calm our nerves. The clinic waiting room felt like forever, but eventually, they confirmed what we were waiting to hear: I was pregnant.

The ultrasound revealed I wasn’t as far along as initially thought—measuring just 6 weeks and 1 day. The nurse practitioner speculated that the intense marathon training I had completed might have delayed my cycle, pushing ovulation later than expected. Despite this, seeing even a tiny hint of life brought us cautious optimism.

However, the nurse recommended a follow-up with radiology to confirm everything and check for a heartbeat. The soonest we could return was over a week later, on November 22. The waiting continued, filled with excitement, planning, and a bit of nervous energy.

Making Plans and Dreaming Big

During this waiting period, my mind raced with ideas. I adjusted my daily routine, planned how we would tell our family and friends, and even started brainstorming creative ways to announce the news. The holidays were coming up, and the idea of sharing with our loved ones at 12 weeks on Christmas felt perfect.

I was already envisioning a future with our baby. I browsed Christmas ornaments, dreamed up gender-reveal ideas, and pictured how I’d stay active through pregnancy. While no one around us knew, Eric and I carried the secret, filled with anticipation and a little anxiety about what lay ahead.

The Signs of Loss

On November 19, I noticed light spotting. At first, we didn’t think much of it. Spotting can be normal in early pregnancy. But by the next day, the bleeding increased, accompanied by cramps resembling a period. That evening, while playing cards with Eric’s grandmother and family, the bleeding became heavier, and I felt faint.

Eric helped me stay calm as we left for the emergency department. By the time we arrived, I was in significant pain and feeling a sense of dread. The hours waiting to be seen were excruciating. The bleeding worsened, and I had to lean on the kindness of a nurse who helped me clean up and regain composure in a moment I could barely handle alone.

Confirmation of Loss

After hours in the ER, the doctor finally came in with the news we had been expecting but dreading: the ultrasound showed my uterus was empty. I had experienced a spontaneous miscarriage at around 7 weeks.

Hearing those words was devastating, even though part of me had already come to terms with what was happening. Miscarriage is so common—something I learned from the ER doctor—but it doesn’t make it any easier to experience.

Navigating Grief and Finding Peace

The following days were quiet and tender. Eric and I took time off work to process what had happened. I spent hours reflecting, crying, and sharing the news with close family and friends. It was incredibly emotional to recount everything we had been through, but it also brought comfort knowing we weren’t alone.

Sharing my experience with close friends, who had also been through early pregnancy losses, was especially healing. It reminded me how important it is to talk openly about miscarriage, a subject so often shrouded in silence.

Looking Ahead with Hope

This loss has been a defining moment in our journey, but I believe it’s part of a greater plan. Eric and I aren’t in a rush to try again. We have dreams to fulfill—a honeymoon, travel, marathon goals (for me), and long bike rides (for Eric)—before expanding our family.

I’m choosing to trust in God’s timing, knowing that when the time is right, our lives will align for the future we’ve imagined. For now, we’re focusing on healing, growing stronger together, and leaning on faith to guide us forward.

Why I’m Sharing My Story

Miscarriage can feel isolating, especially when it happens so early. Many people don’t even know you’re pregnant yet, so the grief feels invisible. I want to change that by sharing my story openly, connecting with others who have been through this, and letting them know they’re not alone.

To anyone navigating early pregnancy loss: I see you, I understand your pain, and I hope you find the strength to keep moving forward. Life doesn’t stop, but it’s okay to pause, grieve, and give yourself grace.

Eric and I are holding on to hope for the future, and I know that one day, when the timing is right, our family will grow.